Does Couples Counselling Work? Why There’s More Hope Than You Think
Standing on the banks of the Peace River on a bright summer day, I was reminded of a phrase I often hear from couples:
“There’s just too much water under the bridge.”
When years of conflict, hurt, or silence pile up, it can feel like your marriage has been swept away. But just like the river, relationships have seasons. They rise and fall, they shift, and with the right guidance, they can flow strong again.
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Does couples counselling work?” the answer is yes — and this post will show you how.
In This Post
Why couples lose hope (and why hope still matters)
What couples counselling actually does — and why it works
How Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples rebuild connection
Common questions couples ask
Key takeaways to inspire hope and action
Why Couples Lose Hope (and Why Hope Still Matters)
When relationships break down, couples often describe two common reactions:
One partner gets angry or lashes out. That anger is often a protest — a way of saying, “I still care, and I don’t want to lose you.”
The other partner pulls away. They may leave the room, shut down, or withdraw to avoid making things worse.
Both reactions can make it feel like the marriage is falling apart. But here’s the truth: both are signs of hope. Anger shows longing. Distance shows a desire not to destroy what’s left. Even the smallest thread of care means there’s still a bridge to rebuild.
Relationships can ebb and flow like a river — sometimes low, sometimes rising again with new strength. With the right support, couples can step out of stuck patterns and rediscover what brought them together in the first place.
Does Couples Counselling Work?
This is the heart of the question. Couples want to know if counselling will actually make a difference, or if they’re wasting their time and money.
The evidence is clear: couples counselling does work. Research consistently shows that couples who attend therapy report:
Improved communication and conflict resolution
Increased trust and emotional safety
Renewed intimacy and connection
Greater resilience when facing future challenges
Of course, counselling isn’t magic. It’s a process that requires openness, willingness, and patience. But for couples who engage in the work, it can be life-changing.
And for those wondering about logistics — yes, online couples counselling is every bit as effective as in-person sessions. In fact, many Canadian couples find it easier to be vulnerable from the comfort of their own homes, while still receiving the same professional guidance.
What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
At Hope Restored Counselling, I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) — one of the most effective, research-backed approaches for couples counselling.
EFT isn’t about quick tips or surface-level communication strategies. It’s about addressing the emotional bond between partners — the deeper patterns that either strengthen or weaken connection.
How EFT Helps Couples
Reframes conflict. Instead of seeing your partner as the problem, you learn to recognize and tackle the negative cycle together.
Uncovers deeper emotions. Beneath anger and silence is often fear, sadness, or longing. EFT helps bring these out safely.
Builds safety and trust. Couples learn to respond with empathy and vulnerability rather than defensiveness.
Strengthens resilience. EFT equips you to handle future stressors without falling back into destructive cycles.
The Effectiveness of EFT
Research shows 70–75% of couples move from distress to recovery with EFT.
Another 90% report significant improvements in their relationship.
EFT has been validated across cultures, age groups, and even couples facing serious trauma.
In short: EFT works. It doesn’t just patch up problems — it rebuilds the foundation of connection.
Real-Life Examples (not their real names)
Mark & Rachel came to counselling after years of constant arguing. Through EFT, they discovered that beneath Rachel’s criticism was a deep fear of being abandoned, and beneath Mark’s withdrawal was a longing not to fail. Once they recognized their cycle, they began to reach for each other instead of turning away.
David & Lena felt like roommates more than partners. EFT helped them rediscover emotional intimacy, leading to greater physical closeness and a new sense of joy in their marriage.
Stories like these aren’t unusual. They’re the natural outcome of couples finding their way out of negative patterns and into renewed connection.
FAQ: Does Couples Counselling Work?
Q1: What is the success rate of couples therapy?
A1: Although success can vary from couple to couple, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has one of the highest success rates — about 70–75% of couples recover closeness, joy & intimacy, with 90% experiencing measurable improvement. That’s huge!
Q2: Is it worth going to couples counselling?
A2: Yes! Even couples whose marriages don’t feel “on the brink” find counselling worthwhile because it helps them strengthen their relationship, navigate transitions, and prevent small issues from becoming big ones.
It’s not uncommon for couples say they’ve enjoyed a good marriage to come in when they become empty nesters or grandparents because they want to take their relationship to the next level so that they can enjoy the years to come as fully as possible.
Q3: Can couples counselling fix a relationship?
A3: Counselling can’t “fix” people — but it can heal the ways we relate to one another, creating the right conditions for lasting change. Many couples who felt hopeless rediscover trust and intimacy through therapy.
Q4: What if my partner doesn’t want to come?
A4: This is a very good question, and not an uncommon one. Even if only one partner starts counselling, change can begin. As you learn new ways of responding to what you’re feeling, your partner often becomes more willing to join in.
I often find that a partner who is reluctant to come has any of 2 or 3 concerns - sometimes all of them:
That they will be blamed for the problems in the marriage. Oh boy, if only I could help someone to really, really understand - nobody is to blame! The things we do, the ways we react, they make sense for one reason or another. And part of our process in couples therapy is to uncover these reasons. So NO BLAME!
Fear that there is nothing that can actually help & that in the end, nothing will change, except their bank balance. I’ve yet to work with a couple that doesn’t experience some level of change, unless they quit coming early. While it’s true that a couple that comes in with some very strong patterns of disconnection & hurting each may take a little longer to shift out of their highly escalated state, as long as they keep coming, they will shift.
That it’ll be too touchy feely, too emotional. And that’s a reasonable concern if emotions are difficult for one or both of you to experience/deal with. And THAT’S OK! In marriage counselling it’s all about feeling safe, and I work hard to make sure that everyone is ok during our sessions.
Q5: Is couples counselling only for marriages in crisis?
A5: Not at all. Many couples use counselling to strengthen their bond, for premarital counselling, or to navigate life transitions like parenthood or empty-nesting. Think of couple’s therapy as a chance to level up in your relationship, regardless of which level it is currently at.
Key Takeaways
Yes, couples counselling works! Especially with Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), one of the most effective approaches to relationship counselling
There’s always hope! Even if you feel like there’s “too much water under the bridge,” healing is possible when couples engage in the process. I can’t say it enough, as long as you’re both still breathing, there’s hope!
Local and global access. Whether you’re in Northern Alberta, across Canada or tucked away somewhere else in the world, both in-person and online sessions offer the same effectiveness.
It’s worth it! You both are worth it! Counselling is an investment not only in your relationship but also in your peace of mind and long-term happiness. And for those with children, when your marriage gets stronger, your family gets healthier and your children get stronger. That’s the remarkable beauty of marriage counselling - it changes everything!
Ready to Begin?
If you’re standing at your own “bridge” today, wondering if there’s still a way forward — I want you to know there is! I’m so passionate about marriages, and my hope is that very quickly, we can restore your passion for your own marriage.
At Hope Restored Counselling, I walk alongside couples as they rediscover hope, rebuild trust, and breathe new life into their relationships.
Reach out today, and let’s start the journey back to connection.
A Note for My Global Readers
I counsel couples not only across Alberta and Canada, but in every corner of the globe through secure online sessions. Online therapy is every bit as effective as in-person. And because the Canadian dollar runs at roughly 72 cents on the U.S. dollar, many international clients also find sessions more affordable with me.